Left right left - Wednesday

Arre! Tension nahi lene ka. Hum doston ke liye nahin karenge, apne logon ke liye nahin karenge, toh kya bajoo waale ke liye karenge? Thanks, achha lagta hai when people acknowledge the fact that I did something XTRA…….
Episode: Jan 17, 2007

Toh aaj ka dhamaal. Vahaan se jahaan humne kal chhoda tha. Voh interesting exercise joh Capt Rajveer karvaa rahe the apne cadets se iss ummeed par ki gunaahgaar sach bolega.

Capt: Cadets, Har jung ki shuruvaad hoti hai sahi aur galat ko pehchaanne se. Maidaan-e-jung mein apne hi saathi par goli chalaa kar kya aap poori zindagi chup chaap, uss bojhh ke saath jee paayenge? Iss liye yeh bahut zaroori hai ki sipahi yeh tay kar le ki use goli chalaani hai yaa nahin. Aur yeh faislaa karne ke liye sipahi ko bahut kam samay milta hai.

As usual, throughout this whole monologue, our dear lil Ali is having an expression of guilt and confusion written all over his face. But only we, the audience can see it and none of the others standing bang next to him can even make this out. Shaayad isi liye kehte hain ki jantaa janaardhan hoti hai.

Anyways, Capt Rajveer asks Qaidi (the cool dude) to try his luck. Actually, poore serial mein ek vohich hai jo apne dimaag par jyaadaa jor nahin daalta. For him, things are black and white….and not grey, blue or anything else. That makes him simple, cool and awesome. Correct me, if I am wrong.

Qaidi rushes towards the makeshift enemy camp, jumps over the bags and in a split second reacts to his comrade and releases his hold on the gun. They both walk out…but after hugging each other.

Interruption….yaar yeh baat apun ko samajh nahi aayee. Jab inni sohni kudiyaan aas paas tair rahee hain, toh yeh launde ladkon ko hi kyun gale lagaate hain???

Let me not digress. Back to pavilion….Qaidi walks towards Rajveer as Raj is signaling a ‘thumbs-up’ to him (Rajveer ne zaroor paise khaayen hain “Thumbs-up” ki ad karne ke liye. Koi baat nahi. Kya iska hak sirf cricketers ko hai???)

Capt: Well done Cadet. Aapne bahut kam samay mein apne saathi ko pehchaan kar uski jaan bachaayi hai. Galtiyaan sabse hoti hain aur maaf karne ke liye bada dil honaa chaahiye. Par yaad rakhen cadets, jung mein ek galti ka matlab hain ek jaan. Aur yeh faislaa lene ke liye samay bahut kam hota hai aur vohi yeh faislaa le paataa hai jiska dil, dimaag aur conscience par koi bojh naa ho. Cadet Ali Baig Khan. Step forward.

Ali is all flustered, everyone around is staring at him. Slowly and hesitantly steps forward. Capt: Ready, Cadet Baig? Attaaaaaaccckkkk.

Ali takes his gun and rushes towards the fake enemy barracks…….He jumps over the bags and starts firing at the person sitting opposite. He sees Yudi getting hit by tones of real bullets, blood spewing from all possible openings on him and he collapses.

Ali: Yeh humne kya kar diya. Humne jaanboojh ke aisaa nahi kiya. And the rondoomal does what he aces at….BAWLING.

Cut….It was all in Ali’s mind. Nothing of that sort happens…as a grinning Yudi dusts himself and Ali is beside himself with joy. (I just wish he was not himself at all)

Yudi: Yaar, abhi toh theek hai, lekin main ooparwaale se dua karta hoon ki jung ke maidaan par hum ek doosre se naa mile. Alag alag rehkar….zyaadaa dushmanon ko khatam karenge. Kyun?

As a dejected Ali walks back, Capt Rajveer declares that he has failed the test. Ali tries defending himself by saying that he did not do it on purpose but he was spurred on by the loud and long “attack” of the capt. Actually, it was more like whimpering.

Capt: Cadet Baig, yeh excuses jung mein nahin challenge. Ek sipaahi banne ke liye ek achha aur honest person banna bahut zaroori hai. (And for cadet Naina’s benefit he repeats it once more) An honest person. Cadet Ali Baig, main aapse poochtaa hoon, aapke oopar aisa kaun sa bojh tha jiske vajah se aap sahi decision lene mein chook gaye.

Cut scene….To Raju’s room (that’s Rajveer from now on)

Raju: Cadet Ali Baig, Bataaiye aapke saath kya kiya jaaye?

Ali: Sir, hum gunahgaar hain aur aap jo sazaa denge hame manzoor hai

Raju: Galti karne ke baad usko kubool karma – apne aap mein ek bahaaduri ka kaam hai. Jo hua so ho gaya. Use bhool jaaiye. You relax. (thro’ all this Raju holds Ali by his shoulder, gives him the sympathique look and makes you feel like he is a “million dollars”) He gestures Ali to sit down and dials some goddamn number….asks for Brig Gen. Ali’s heart sinks fearing the worst.

Tan..tadaaaammm………………….Commercial break.

BF: Tumhaaraa skin kitnaa soft aur smooth hain….

It goes on and on…to finally let the viewers know that its an ad for the promotional offer for Fem soap with Fem hair removing cream ekdum free. The next ad is for Pampers and the next a leading……… Uh ahem! I beg your pardon. Women’s product….

Do these guys do it on purpose…. flashing a wee bit uncomfortable ads in the middle of family serials? I would love to watch a coca-cola ad or Cadbury’s or better still Jockey’s. Why, God, why???? Kuchh baaten kabhi nahi badlengi.

Back to the drill………….

Ritu darling is exercising (god knows for what, she is awesome already. Aur kitno ko ghaayal karma chaahti hain, pata nahin) when she sights out dear Naina aunty. (Are re re! Baj gayee ghantee)

Ritz (the new name for Dr. Ritu Mishra): Cadet Singh, main kaafi der se tumhe hi dhoond rahee thi.

Naina: Kamaal hai ma’am, kisee ne mujhe bataayaa hi nahi. (After a pause) Ma’am, aap roz apne aap ko push kartee hain, to the limits (admiringly)

Ritz: Nahi Cadet, tabhi jab main bahut nervous hoti hoon. Aur aaj main bahut nervous hoon. Aaj meri first official date hai Capt Rajveer ke saath (she casts a sly glance at Naina to study her reactions at hearing this. Naina seems happy to hear this.) Cadet Singh, tum se behtar Capt Rajveer ko koi nahi jaanta. Unko kya achha lagta hai. (Naughty naughty…Ritu darling). Aaj kal voh kaafi pareshan hain un stupid letters ko lekar. Iss liye agar tum mujhe bataao ke unhe kya achha lagegaa, toh shaayad unka mood pep up kar sakoongi. (Chee…asking a little girl for such advice…Bad na???)

Naina: Ma’am agar voh letters unhone aapko likhe the, thos voh aapse bahut zyaadaa pyar karte hain. Aur aapki company hi unhe sabse zyaadaa achhi lagegi. Aur vaise bhi main unhe achhe se jaanti thi, lekin ab nahin jaanti.

Ritz: Yeh kya cadet Singh, mujhe lag rahaa tha ki we are having a girl-to-girl talk, two women (baar baar cadet bulaayengi toh kya khaakh mazaa aayega, bechaari naina ko?). Tumhari umra mein relationships bahut simple hote hain. Do logon ka ek doosre ko like karne hi kaafi hota hai. Lekin umra ke saath, relationships become more complex. Sochna padta hai ki kiss ke saath poori zindagi guzaar sakte hain (“kiss” ke saath thode hi poori zindagi guzaar sakte hain? Aur bahut saari cheezen hoti hain. Shaayad humko Dr. Mishra ki anatomy aur physiology ki class leni padegi.)

Ritz: Anyways, thanks for the help…(pause) whatever litlle help it was. Bye. (and she jauntily walks away).

Cadet Ghai ko dhoondhte dhoondhte, majnu Nair aa pahunchte hain. He is muttering to himself that she must have not finished the work, must have gone to sleep and what not. He slips and falls into a huge trench. Cadet Ghai starts filling the trench with sand dismissing Nair’s screams, pleas and threats.

Ghai: Sir, maine baaki saare gaddhe bhar diye. Yeh ek hi bachaa tha. Light chali gayee lekin main yaheen hoon.

Nair: Cadet Ghai, yeh aap kya kar rahee hain?

Ghai: Sir, main gaddhaa bhar rahee hoon jaise aapkaa hukm tha.

Nair: Pehle mujhe baahar nikaalo.

Ghai: Zaroor nikaalongi, sir. Pehle gaddhaa toh bhar doon. Usske baad aapki body ko zaroon nikaaloongi, sir. First orders first, right sir?

And she furiously continues to fill sand into the trench.

Meanwhile Raju has sent a letter fro Baggy thro’ some guy.

Raju is in his room sorting out some papers. There is a knock.

Raju: Please come in, Major Bhargav. (Without even seeing who’s there. Jaasoos ho toh aisaa.)

Baggy: (showing the letter) iss ka matlab kya hai Captain? (jaise koi letter nahin nau lakkhaa haar ho gayaa)

Raju: Sir, yeh toh aapka bayaan hai, jis mein aapne apne saare gunaah kabool kiye hain. Iss ke baad meri nazron mein aapki respect duuugni ho gayee hai (yaar, dialogue waale ko bulaao. Yahi dialogue sun sun kar hum sab pak gaye hain. Alaah gawaah hai iss baat ka. Oops! Sorry. Jesus aur bhagwaan ko toh bhool hi gaye hum. Iss baat par koi controversy naa ho jaaye)

Baggy: Meri hi chaal mujh par chalaa rahe hain, capt? Yeh aapkaa bachpanaa hai. Mujhse takkar mat li jiye.

Raju: Sir, yeh toh aapki hi handwriting hai.

Baggy: Meri handwriting ki copy karvaa kar, aapko kya lagta hai sabhi ko aap ise mane par majboor kar sakenge?

Raju: Toh aap maante hain ki aapne meri handwriting bhi copy karvaai?

Baggy: All’s fair in love and war. Aur aapke saath toh bahut zyaadaa unfair honaa padtaa hai. Kyun ki aap akele ladna pasand nahi karte. Hameshaa apne cadets ko saath lekar ladte hain. Aapne to Brig General ko bhi apne control mein le liya hoga? Kaise karte hain aap sab par control?

Raju: Yaheen par toh aap bhool kar rahe hain sir. Aap sab par aur iss academy par control karnaa chaahte hain. Aap sides mein belief rakhte hain. Lekin main iss academy ko ek unit ki tarah manta hoon aur sabko saath lekar aage badhnaa chaahtaa hoon. Aap ka mantra hai “divide and control”……(pause – enigmatic) “divide and rule”.

Baggy: Losers……ko saath lekar chalne se aapke haath bhi naakaamyaabi hi aayegi. Main sirf winners ko saath lekar chalta hoon. Dhyaan rakhiye, Dr. Ritu ne aapko pal bhar ki jeet hi dilaayee hai. Iss jeet ko main zyaadaa din rehne nahin doonga.

Raju: Dr.Ritu ne joh hum dono ke bare mein kahaa, voh jhooth nahi hai.

Baggy asks him to repeat it for better digestion (the clichéd “yeh baat kuch hazam nahin hui”) Raju obliges.

Baggy: galat Capt. Maine hi Ali se voh letter likhvaayaa, maine hi use Cadet Naina ke kamre mein rakhvaayaa, aapko vahaan bhejaa aur Hooda ko bhi vahaan par maine hi bheja. Iss poore kaand ka rachaita main hi hoon.

Raju: Thanks Sir. Main aapko apne guest se milaanaa chaahta hoon. Please come in, sir.

In walks Bri Gen Chandhok. Bagy ka muh ko phataa ka phataa reh jaataa hai.

Chandu: Maine sab sun liya hai Major. Ummeed hai ki kal subah ke drill se pehle aapne yahaan se chale gaye honge? Aur meri academy ke bare mein jo report aapne army ko bhejni th, voh POSITIVE hi honi chaahiye. Varnaa aaj iss kamre mein jo hua, usko bhi positively pesh kiya jayeegaa.

He shakes hands with Baggy…and gestures him to leave by showing him the way to the door. (Basically, he asks him to get his ass off KMA).

As he is leaving, Baggy and Raju ki nazren milti hain. Ek muskuraati aur ek mein shadyantra ki boo. If Ritu had seen it, she would have dumped him for being afflicted with I-love-men-more-than-I-love-women syndrome. It was that painfully long and tedious.

Knock knock.

Who’s on the door?

I.

I, Who?

Goodbiiiiiiii.

This happens at Naina’s door.

Major comes to bid adieu to his fave gal, Naina Singh Ahluwalia.

Baggy: Cadet Singh, Main aapko good bye kehne aayaa hoon. Kyun ki main kal yahaan se jaa raha hoon.

Naina: Sir, aapko Rajveer sir ne aakhir haraa diya (bewakoof ladki…kya haraa, laal, peelaa keh rahee ho?)

Baggy: Yes. Isi liye toh main final good bye kehne aayaa hoon.

Naina: I will really MISS you, sir (not in a nice way, jerk!)

Baggy: Me too, Cadet Singh……Me too (yeh har koi do do baar kyun bolta hain. Yede hain kya?) He leaves….not quite. Turns around and says, “Cadet, jab aapke dost ne voh photographs churaayee thi, tab voh yeh photo churaanaa bhool hi gayaa (jerk! Trying to spoil Qaidi’s name just coz he is so damn cool) toh maine socha aapka set complete kar doon. Dekhiye.

Naina looks at the photograph and is stunned.

Baggy: Kisne soch tha ki aapke bhaiyya ki girlfriend, Dr.Ritu aapke mentor se engagement karne jaa rahee hain.

Dham dham dham…..music. Naina ke chehre pe ajeebo gareeb expressions (gareeb toh definitely. Acting mein gareeb). Villian ho toh aisa. Jaate jaate bhi kuchh aisa kar jaaye ki uski yaad hamesha sataaye… Wow! Boss. That was sheer poetry.

Baaki Kal. Good night.

Left right left - Tuesday

Episode of January 16, 2007

Let’s take of where we left. But here’s a WARNING: today’s episode will be described in a more concise style than yesterday’s.

So Cadet Naina hears what Pooja has to tell Ali. So she is furious. This is one gal good at crying bucketfuls and getting infuriated (at the slightest provocation). So she does what she does the best. In her rage, she tells Ali that “tum bade swaarthi ho. Bhale tumhaaraa swaarth ek achha sipahi hona hi kyun na ho, lekin tumne apne swaarth ke liye yeh kaam kiya. Agar ek sipahi apne senior ki baat maan kar koi galti karta hai toh galti sirf uss senior ki hi nahin hai balki uss sipahi ki bhi hai jo apne senior ki baton mein aa gaya”.

Hearing this outburst, Cadet Ghai runs to turn into her friend (Ali’s) mouthpiece. She does what she does best….That’s Blabber. She screams back at Naina….(God only knows what). Then Naina taunts her saying that till now Pooja was entreating Ali to ask for pardon and now she is “palto-fying the entire plate”…plate toh kya saaraa ka saaraa thaal. To this Pooja responds saying “Haan, lekin ab aisaa nahi kahoongi. Kyun ki tum Ali ka dard nahin samajh sakti. Tum uski maafi samajh nahi sakti aur naa hi kabhi samjhogi. Aur iss sab mein sabse zyaadaa nuksaan bhi Ali ka hi hua hai kyun ki vishwaas to usi ka toota hai.” Naina says: “Iss sabse se ek baat to zaahir hai ki tum, Ali aur main batchmates to hain, lekin dost kabhi nahi ban sakte”. And she storms out of the room.

Ali wishes to tell this entire thing to Rajveer but Pooja effectively stops him by giving the “vaastha” of his future at KMA and a truckload of her emotions. Man!!! Any human will feel tired after all that screaming and tears. Was enough to start a new hydro-power plant.

Cut…..move scene to the canteen.

Major Bhargav finds Dr.Ritu sipping her black coffee and reading the newspaper…… and he has to (but naturally, jahaan khoobsurat lady, vahaan major Bhargav) ask her to allow him to join her on her table. She reluctantly says okie dokie.

Major: Dr.Ritu, aapko pataa hai ki zyaadaa black coffee peene waalon ke bare mein kya kahaa jaataa hai?

Dr: Nahin, Major aur kabhi jaanne ki zaroorat hi nahin padi.

Major: Zaroorat….aap har cheez zaroorat ke vajah se hi toh karti hain

Dr: (Stares at him with those undr…oops! Sorry beautiful yet unnerving pair of eyes)

Major: Kehte hain ki black coffee peene waale nihaayati jhoothe aur dhokebaaz hote hain. (His black coffee arrives at the table)

Dr: Aur Major aap?

Major: main toh onche kism ka jhootha hoon. Itne khoobsoorti se khooth bolta hoon ki sunnewaala jhooth ko sach aur sach ko jhooth maan leta hai. Lekin yeh aapke saath nahin chalta. Aap mere har jhooth ko pakad leti hain.

Dr: (She smiles enigmatically) zindagi ki jung jeetne ke liye kisi kadi military training ki zaroorat nahin hai, Major.

Major: Lekin aapka jhooth main pakad sakta hoon. Aapke aur Capt Rajveer ke jhoothe rishte…..

Dr: Yeh mera personal maamla hai, Capt aur maine aapko iss ke baare mein comment karne ki naa toh ijaazat di hai aur na hi aapke itne rights hain. It’s none of your business.

Major: Agar main chaahoon toh aapke iss jhooth ka parda faash, minton mein kar sakta hoon.

Dr: Toh der kis baat ki hai, major. Do as you please.

And she walks away gracefully. There she sees her beau (rajveer) entering and she takes his hand in hers and leads him towards a coffee table.

Meanwhile, Ali finds out that his canteen bill has been paid by Major Bhargav and he also has a message to call up his home urgently. On doing so, he finds that Major has sent Rs 10,000 to his home….and they are all very happy. Bhargava is standing right behind him and says that “usoolon ke saath jeena, un par chalnaa, achha lagta hai. Lekin kabhi kabhi apne ghar waalon ki khushi ke liye unhe tyaag denaa padta hai. Varna unko bahut thes panchegi, dukh hoga.”

Confused he goes crying to; who else??? THE Pooja Ghai…..who is digging furiously (no pun intended). She says that Major is giving “rishvat” to Ali for keeping his mouth shut and she also assures him that she will be with him no matter what happens. Nair comes and asks Cadet ghai…”apne khudaai ke status ke report do, Cadet Ghai”. (He must be the first Mallu without the least semblance of any mallu-panaa in his dialect or pronounciation.)

The best statement of the evening……….

Ghai: Sir, aapki kabr taiyyaar hai.

Nair…..(confused, angry and exasperated - all at the same moment. Resembled something like he is suffering from constipation. Whatever!!!)

Ghai: Mera matlab hai, aapne jo kabr khodne ko kahaa, voh taiyyar hai, Sir.

He says that he suspects Cadel Baig to have helped her so she is supposed to miss her classes and dig two more graves. The runner-up statement of the evening………..

Ghai: Ek kya kum hai???

He leaves.

Pooja also vows to Ali that she will make Nair repent for all his idiosyncracies…..and that she plans to leave KMA soon. And that she cant “give saath to ali”. Talk about changing colors!!!

Ali in Capt Rajveer’s class….with all the others (except Pooja, bhulakkad. She is busy digging graves). Rajveer knows that the letter episode is “Bhargav’s karaamaat. So he has an interesting session ahead hoping that the person who has helped him will come out in the open. Its all about knowing the right from wrong. So here is his bhaashan (as the protagonist of the serial, he deserves to have one)

Raj: Jung ke maidaan par, jab hum dushman par vaar karne jaaye toh yeh khayaal rakhna zaroori hai ki usme hamaare saathi ghaayal naa ho. Firing karni hai ya nahi – iss decision ko lene ke liye sipaahi ko time ahut kam milta hai. Kai baar hum jo sochte hain ki sahi hai, galat ho jaataa hai”….he goes on in the same vein for just about an aeon. Throughout all of this, they keep flashing Ali’s rondo face on and off…..its meant to be redundant.

Rajveer has placed some rifles (.57mm caliber) with blank rounds and he asks one cadet to go and “dushman ke adde par vaar karo”. The cadet gets caught. The next is…… apna hero….Hooda. Jo josh aur behosh ho kar mock dushman ko capture kar letaa hai. Lekin kaafi saaraa ammunition waste kar deta hai. And again Rajveer launches into a monologue of right and wrong….hoping that the guy (I deliberately refuse to use the word male here) who has helped Baggie (that’s my pet name for Bhargav) will reveal his identity……

Khallas! That’s it. Adios amigo.

Kal milenge. Baaki agle episode mein.

Ciao!

Left right left - Monday

This one’s for Vikas Bhaiyya. And the one’s following this are for you again. Ghar se door, desh se door kintu serial se kabhi na honaa door.

Episode of January 15, 2007.

Well….Capt Rajveer goes down to the broadcast room to let the entire academy inclusive of the faculty and the cadets that he was the one to write those letters. He wants to do this as otherwise the impact of the entire episode will be on Cadet Naina and she may even be thrown out of the academy which will result in the non-fulfillment of her dream. As he is about to do this, Dr. Mishra returns back to the academy, makes a straight headway to the broadcast room just in time to see the guy whom she loves make the devastating confession.

Dr: Capt, Yeh aap kya karne jaa rahe hain?

Capt: Main sabko yeh bataane jaarahaa hoon ki voh letters maine hi cadet naina ko likhe the aur mujhse bahut badi galti ho gayee hai.

Dr: Par aap aisaa kyun kar rahe hain? (She had to be this dumb, you see. It offsets the excess of sex appeal that she possesses)

Capt: Main apne cadet ko iss baat ki sazaa lene nahi doonga. I have no choice Dr.

Dr: You have a choice. You always (Note the extra emphasis on the “always”) have a choice, capt.

Then she dramatically pulls the microphone from his hands and starts speaking…..

Dr: Attention to all cadets and faculty members. Pichhle kuchh dino se yahaa par kaafi saaraa confusion chal rahaa hai. Main yahaan par nahi thi iss liye capt rajveer par yeh lagaaye hue jhoothe ilzaam ke bare mein kuch nahi kar saki. Mere gair maujoodgi mein yahaan par kaafi kuchh ho gaya hai. Main yeh bataanaa chaahti hoon ki capt Rajveer aur Cadet Naina ke beech kuch nahi hai. Sirf itna hai jitna ek mentor aur uske student ke beech hota hai. Voh letters jo unke sambandh ke proof hain, voh dar-asal capt Rajveer ne mujhe likhe the….

At this juncture, Capt Rajveer makes a bold pass at the microphone….(what did u think? That he will have the guts to do so to Dr. Mishra? Fooled ya….) and he misses while Dr.Mishra gestures a flamboyant STOP with her hands.

She continues…..

Dr:Voh letters unhone mujhe likhe the … (a hesitant pause. I know that it was redundant but it was meant to be like that) kyun ki (one more poignant pause) we are engaged. It is unofficial….. (Capt Rajveer and Dr.Mishra both start fighting for the microphone). Hum sahee vaqt ka intezaar kar rahe the ise officially declare karne ke liye. Iss liye main academy ke faculty members aur especially cadets se request karti hoon ki confusion ko yaheen par khatm kar diyaa jaye. Please. You can all go back to your classrooms.

Capt: Par Dr., main apne liye aapki zindagi barbaad nahi kar sakta (Damn fool….doesn’t even realise what he is blabbering. Itni sohni kudi ke saath market-sharket jaayega, toh kya image banegi.)

Dr: Aapko maine iska kaaran apne letter mein likha tha. Aapne voh letter padhaa nahi kya?

Capt: (Flashback) Oh Shit!!! (hamaare khayaal se unhe bolnaa chaahiye tha…mama mia!) Par aap yeh sab kyun kar rahi hain? (once again dame phool…..)

Dr: Kyun ki main aapse pyar karti hoon. Why is it so difficult to understand? Log shaadi karte hain paise ke liye, status ke liye, business yaa opportunities ke liye. Kam se kam hum dono aisaa nahi kar rahe hai. Aap apne cadet ko bachaane ke liye aur main apnee zindagi uss insaan ke saath bitaane ke liye jisse main pyaar karti hoon.

They both walk out into the corridor where almost all the cadets are staring at them. Dr. Mishra holds Capt’s hand with a flourish and walk out in style. Meanwhile Bhargava also gets really upset. And he and his friend Nair are discussing when Ali walks in and tells Major Bhargava that he feels cheated. Ali says that he thought he was doing it for a good cause and hence felt bad at being deceived. Major says that yes, he did cheat him. He wanted to clean up the system aur jo system ko saaf karne mein madad karta hai uska haath toh ganda hoga hi. (Koi naalaa thode hi saaf kar rahe hain. Gloves pehen ke bhi toh kar sakte the)

Ali’s response: Hamen lagta hai ki yadi aap jaise logon ko system se baahar kar diya jaaye toh system apne aap hi saaf ho jayegaa.

Major: That’s enough Cadet Baig. Get out.

Ali: Jaa rahen hain sir. Lekin aapkaa shukriya. Hamen yeh baat sikhaane ke liye ki hamen jo kuchh sahi lagtaa hai voh hamesha sahi nahi hota.

As he leaves…..Major: Agar aap yeh baat baahar bataayen toh aapka iss academy mein rehnaa naamumkin hai aur aapke pita jee ka sapna kabhi pooraa nahi ho paayegaa.

Hooda ki toh nikal padi. Isse sunte hi voh canteen mein chillaa kar halla karta hai jisse yudi ka plate gir jaataa hai. Aur voh Dr (the one who’s in charge of their health) se kehta hai ki ab Naina meri ho gayee hai. Dr. asks…”ho gayee hai???” Hooda: Ab mujhe Naina se apne dil ki baat kehne se koi nahi rok sakta.

At that very moment Naina walks in. Hooda: Khaayaa? (What a thing to ask the one whom you love…when you are happy and on talking terms with her after aeons???)

She walks off in anger. Hooda goes to another table and teases her indirectly….saying “kab tak gussaa rahegi. Yahooooooooooooooo!” hops out of the canteen.

He meets the dashing Qaidi (the only sensible guy in the whole academy). Dr Mishra sees Qaidi’s lukewarm response to Hooda’s jungleeee chillaa-chilli ad asks “kya tum apni dost ki khushi mein shaamil nahi ho?”

Qaidi: Kis ko kis baat ki khushi hai, apun ko bataayega toh pataa padegaa na. (Cool, eh!)

Dr: Toh tum mere aur Capt Rajveer ke engagement ki news se khush nahin ho?

Qaidi: Apun dabbaa dekhkar khush nahi hota. (What a guy!)

Dr. Kya matlab?

Qaidi: Dabba yer acchha rangeen wrapping paper lagaa do toh voh achha hi dikhegaa naa.

Dr: Tum mere saath meri khushi ke liye cheers karoge?

Qaidi: Abhi to apun ka library duty hai….pan koi bhi kitaab apun ko miss nahi karega.

Dr: That’s the spirit. Lekin ek shart hai. Maal apun ka hoga.

Qaidi: Fruti juice se apun cheers nahi kartaa hai.

Dr: Theek hai, toh toss karke dekhte hai. Heads – yaani tumhare spirits aur tails – matlab apun kaa maal.

Qaidi: Theek hai. Lekin toss apun karega.

He tosses…she catches (thinking this cud be a great romantic novel? Not yet, boss)

Then she says…..”hum dono apne apne maal ke saath bhi ek saath cheers kar sakte hain. What say you?”

Qaidi: Theek toh hai na. Chaahe heads ho ya tails. Coin toh ek hi hai na….. (speaks the great guy)

In despair, Ali turns towards Pooja (aur kya expect kiya jaa saktaa hai is rondoomal se).

She advises him to tell this whole thing to Naina……And miracles never cease (atleast in Hindi films and serials) Naina is standing at the doorstep….

Aur baaki kal…..agle episode mein.

Pls check this blog for regular updates on “LEFT RIGHT LEFT”

Courtesy: aapkaa apnaa channel.

Customize your customs

Well, there is this old custom in Christian weddings that I heard from an
American friend. The bride is supposed to wear on her wedding day -
Something old
Something new
Something borrowed
Something blue
All these customs make life so much more interesting. I may have
forgotten my birthday but never those BUMPS that i got in college. I
may forget college but never the fresher's queen crown that I wore once
in a lifetime. That made me feel like a MIss-Universe-for-aday.
Customs - I dont mean the ones being followed by our forefathers alone.
But also the ones that have emerged over the years. I love the
appalam-breaking-over-the-head custom in Tambram weddings. I also love
the chocolate cake cream facial that most of us must have got from our
frnds on the eve of our birthday. The one that I love the most is the
Christmas stocking. I have got it filled only once. Alas! Poor me!!! I
may be as old as my grandma's donkey but the love of these customs
doesnt seem to die.....for ME.
So, what's your favorite???

Important - to me

Below given is the content of a mail from an Ex-Soldier who takes immense

pride to say that he belongs to a group of people who do not look at

anything but the honour of our country.We do have many among us who are

working in the 4th Estate. Please see the outburst and give importance to

what is really important.

---------------------------------

By the time u guys read this news, the body of Major Manish Pitambare, who

was shot dead at Anantnag, would have been cremated with full military

honors.

On Tuesday, this news swept across all the news channels 'Sanjay Dutt

relieved by court'. 'Sirf Munna not a bhai' '13 saal ka vanvaas khatam'

'although found guilty for possession of armory, Sanjay can breath sigh of

relief as all the TADA charges against him are withdrawn'

Then many personalities like Salman Khan said 'He is a good person. We knew

he will come out clean'. Mr Big B said "Dutt's family and our family have

relations for years he's a good kid. He is like elder brother to Abhishek".

His sister Priya Dutt said "we can sleep well tonight. It's a great relief"

In other news, Parliament was mad at Indian team for performing bad; Greg

Chappell said something; Shah Rukh Khan replaces Amitabh in KBC and other

such stuff. But most of the emphasis was given on Sanjay Dutt's "phoenix

like" comeback from the ashes of terrorist charges. Surfing through the

channels, one news on BBC startled me. It read "Hisbul Mujahidin's most

wanted terrorist 'Sohel Faisal' killed in Anantnag , India . Indian Major

leading the operation lost his life in the process. Four others are injured.

It was past midnight , I started visiting the stupid Indian channels, but

Sanjay Dutt was still ruling. They were telling how Sanjay pleaded to the

court saying 'I'm the sole bread earner for my family', 'I have a daughter

who is studying in US' and so on. Then they showed how Sanjay was not

wearing his lucky blue shirt while he was hearing the verdict and also how

he went to every temple and prayed for the last few months. A suspect in

Mumbai bomb blasts, convicted under armory act...was being transformed into

a hero.

Sure Sanjay Dutt has a daughter; Sure he did not do any terrorist activity.

Possessing an AK47 is considered too elementary in terrorist community

and also one who possesses an AK47 has a right to possess a pistol so that

again is not such a big crime; Sure Sanjay Dutt went to all the temples;

Sure he did a lot of Gandhigiri but then........ ...

Major Manish H Pitambare got the information from his sources about the

terrorists' whereabouts. Wasting no time he attacked the camp, killed Hisbul

Mujahidin's supremo and in the process lost his life to the bullets fired

from an AK47. He is survived by a wife and daughter (just like Sanjay Dutt)

who's only 18 months old.

Major Manish never said 'I have a daughter' before he took the decision to

attack the terrorists in the darkest of nights. He never thought about

having a family and he being the bread earner. No news channel covered this

since they were too busy hyping a former drug addict, a suspect who's linked

to bomb blasts which killed hundreds. Their aim was to show how he defied

the TADA charges and they were so successful that his conviction in

possession of armory had no meaning. They also concluded that his parents in

heaven must be happy and proud of him.

Parents of Major Manish are still living and they have to live rest of their

lives without their beloved son. His daughter won't ever see her daddy

again. Finally Major Manish, to my generation is a greater hero, someone who

laid his life in the name of this great nation.

So guys, please forward this message around so that the media knows which

news to give importance, as it is a shame for us since this Army Major's

death news was given by a foreign TV channel!

How does it feel to be in love???

Well, thats a question that's quite often discussed in different forms. But to get an answer is perhaps as difficult as to get a blonde to be an Einstein.....jus kiddin'. No offence meant and I hope none taken.
Let me not digress....Sometimes its like the fever that you get. I like it coz it helps me get out of a lot of work and gives me a justified excuse to just relax. But then, i dont like the stuff that accompanies it. I am sure many would like to be "hot" for the right reasons. But this is just not IT. The pains and aches are well worth not having. Lets not forget the usually accomapnying stuffy nose, buger and the work, which makes it all the more tiresome.
But the attention that one gets from one and all around is incredible. So, i could go on and on - countering each point. The point that i am trying (in vain) to arrive is that - its awesome to be in love if one has the right mindset to accept the aches while considering it to be a wonderful experience all the way.

I know that was too philosophical....but once i a way, it does good for the system. Like a DETOX. Perhaps......

CLEOPATRA - The Queen of Hearts and Stratgeies

I wish to be Cleopatra for atleast one day, walk the streets of Egypt with my mile-long trail blazing behind, the pyramids acting as my attendants. Is that too much to ask????

This is kinda the best thing that i can do. Type down all the tripe that emerges in my head. In a way, this is really therapeutic.

I was watching a movie, that has always managed to touch me no end. "Les Miserables" - Dont know how many have watched it. But those who have....I hope will agree with me that this movie creates very strong feelings. Good or bad - I dont know. Depends on each. The last time that I saw it, i felt really sorry for the antagonist. You know, he must have felt so disgusted with himself. To get his life as alms from his arch enemy..........must hav been cricifying for this man who had so many resources at his disposal. He thought that he was merely doing his duty but then....was he really????

Why am I talking about this movie??? 'coz there are a lot of similarities to life........... Many a times, we have choices in front of us. We are confused. We may think that to act a certain way is our duty or rather what people would expect of us. But at the same instance, so many of us (including me) claim to not care for what the world thinks of us. So what does that make me??? a hypocrite, I guess.

I am confused. This is the only place that I would not mind admitting the fact. I really wonder, is it ok to not say whay your heart feels just so that you are politically correct or are liked by one and all???

This is a lil piece that I once wrote what may be called as bitching or raving & ranting or cribbing or anything abt ppl with whome I work (at times).....Dont ask me what that means as it wud mean my having to spill a lot of beans and who knows a Giant may come lumbering down the bean stalk. Whoopsy Daisies.....SO you dint pay attn to ur teacher in 2nd std??? right????

There was a time when limericks used to be a rage. Infact, my father introduced me to that world. Here’s a tribute to the bitch and bitches…… (Pun intended this time, so make sure you get it)

A girl who forgot to bitch

From the day she fell into the ditch

That was a long time ago

But that wasn’t the case to be so

Coz’ it started all over again with the 7-year itch.

At times, I feel really sorry for people who work alone or who don’t work. Coz they really don’t know how good it feel to crib and let your tongue go wagging about (and I am not referring to your shoes and neither to other similarly (and possibly) pleasurable activities). Mere fretting and yammering is so relaxing……akin to…..lemme think………. Watching a really good movie after getting tortured with some thaai-thangai-paasam or a Ramaraasan – Ujaala safedi ad in combo with a pair of sparkling red shoes……OR ……. Watch with glee Sourav Ganguly get out (finally) after groping for some 10 overs with his bat in a 1-day match….and I could give you scores of instances for this. But I hope you got the drift.

I am really glad that we have a place where we can be ourselves, write down just what we feel and (hopefully) get appreciated for that. Everybody, take the hint.

Today was so bad….that I am actually feeling sad (God! I am good). So sad that I have lost it – as in lost my touch to crib and rave and rant.

I was a part of a play – the whole of today (wow! Once again!!! The poetess in me – sheer brilliance). The lamppost went missing at work and I filled in the role. As in everyone and I mean it….EVERYONE at work banged right into me with their miseries, woe and what not. My superiors, my HR person (and friend), my coll and good friends. Work was so much fun when it started and now it STINKS….big time.

Today one of my coll got fired…..quite that but not quite so. Coz she was made to quit. Sounds melodramatic??? It is. I guess my “super” (not meant as a compliment at all) boss got a lot of inspiration from these daily soaps where just about everyone is scheming against just about everyone else. So, he (my super boss) passed on the buck of throwing the dame out to my HR guy and conveniently kept himself busy thro the whole time with some crappy meetings and business din-din. SO that was it. The poor dame never knew what hit her until she was well on her way to the hospital. (not literally, though).

Honestly, I feel so down-in-the-dumps that I guess even chocolates or ice-creams may not be able to do much. Though I dare say, I could do with a diamond.

Jokes apart, I always wanted to live in the world of Ally McBeals and the pizza delivery boys (mmm….sounds fab) where the workplace was like one big happy family. Very clichéd, I know. But wudnt mind that.

I guess, as they say, if only wishes were horses….. and I say, I would be galloping through the lush fields and not hammering my keyboard keys. Honestly, where are workplaces like those?

IF you also wondering “where did they go???”, be patient coz I am in the process of evolving one. Would let u know when I actually Get, Set and I guess by then be GONE…..

I still remember the day when I got my first job and I wish I could live it sometime in the future…..as in 20 years later??? But alas! Woe betide me!!! I have lived it already and now can only reminisce. Well, dint that have an old-world touch??? I am glad, coz I wanted to tweak the way I was writing.

If I let myself go on…..I guess you can email rotten tomatoes and eggs. Am I right???? (I hope so).

So, till I get more interesting masala (redundant but effective!) for my home production, Its chao time……………..

The past 20 years of my life has gone listening to people tell me how good it is to first clear school and then college and then get to work.....Finally - how blissful it is to feel retired and then how the retirement and people around you start to get on your nerves. So, I guess, there is no perfect state in this world. But then why was everyone telling me to do just the right thing and get the perfect scores, the best job, the perfect match??? When none of it actually exists.

Just 'coz i am a woman of the world....the scientific world (I mean to say)....Read "the spirit of enquiry", which is better termed as inquisitiveness. So I retired from my career....which just abt kickstarted. What do I see??? I can get up as late as i want to. Do whatever, whenver I choose to........

The bliss lasted for a whole month. It felt so good to to be able to read that thriller and not have to put it down just when it was going so well....'coz I have to wake up early to go to work. I cant express it in words. It has to be felt, experienced and enjoyed. But in a month's time it started biting me 'coz whats the point of being up all night with a book when no one's ever going to tell me NOT TO???

Well, I could go on and on about all this......

But this time I am sure, I want to stay retired until I get going with something of my own.Its time I took some risks and get going.......What say you????