I hope you have the time to read thro this HUGE piece.
I have been spewing all the official venom all over this page…so I wish to rechristen you as Ms.Diary. I hope you don’t mind and even if you do, don’t bother letting me know abt that.
I have A Point to make….It may sound like a tit for tat….but trust me it isn’t. atleast I am sure you don’t have a tat. So ……here it goes. I once worked (that was abt the only time that I actually recall having worked) for this company where they had an area manager for the US and European regions. Thank God for small mercies that I was in the US region coz the “LADY” manager for the European region had a strong dislike towards women employees and for some unknown (or rather too obvious) reasons had all males working for her and ‘Under’ her. Now, I wudnt call it the miracle of the cleavage [By the way, do I smell something burnin? A lil hint of shakespeare’s green eyed monster? I am sorry, but certain things are genetic and pertain to only specific life forms] coz the only thing that those guys cud cleave was their brains. It was fairly simple as very lil was left over. Anyways, once upon this day (wanted a change from the clichéd granma’s phrase) she and her American counterpart had to interview 4 candidates and she literally fought for the two guys to be pulled into her team…..God only knows why and considering their juvenile IQs and their goldfish memories and certainly nothing much to talk abt their “manliness” ….so I have to give it a pass. …….
Cut…..
Take 2.
Both the guys went to Europe…..worked with her. She singled out the good looking one (now don’t ask me if he really was or not….. No comments on that) and kept a hawk-eye on him for like 2 months and he seemed to be the perfect worker in her eyes – which was a miracle considering the fact that he even wasn’t qualified for the post. Well…that’s what you get if you are a guy. Whoa! All this besides the privilege of being able to piss wherever you like. I cant believe that anyone would want to complain abt the high status given to the ‘inferior sex’ (That is not to be considered as a “verb” but as a Noun. So cool it guys!!! and by the way, I was referring to the masculine things).
hat was just one from the huge repertoire of such incidents that I carry…..Call me a beast of the burden. Is pretty apt.
Let me move on to much more imp things….in life. That’s ME, Myself and my ‘as of wont’ crappy day worth cribbing.
Before I forget, Now I know what folks mean when they say that men have a fixation for certain things……even if portrayed in the negative sense. Thanks for “broadening” my horizons….
Today was “a day” as usual….as in a specimen of a day. I was on this huge roller-coaster which preferred to dip so low and then soar right into the skies into oblivion. Was fun.
The top-most boss actually turned me into a complaint register and actually complained abt the second-in-command and so on and so forth. There’s a good thing to it. I got all the fundoo gossip prior to others at work. Also, now I know my boss’ weaknesses…not that I dint previously. But now it is more legitimate.
The morning saw me attend just 2 short of a dozen meetings. One of them quite serious regarding the basic conduct and rules to be followed by everyone in the org. It started as typical meeting. But down the line became a personal mud-slinging contest and even the judges of the contest got some splotches on them. That was sad. I chose to simply watch the fun instead of actually getting down to business. And that was smart of me – for a change.
I have this strong urge to draw a picture of the top brass or br’asses’ with them indulging in a mud-wrestling contest. And probably that cud be our clincher running with the tagline “we are an equal opportunity employer”. What say ya?
I wud really be glad if one of the geniuses writing in cud explain to me as to why the monkeys at the top cant understand plain English? Read on…….
Once upon a time, there was this poor boy
Whom everyone got involved in a ploy
He was called the project coordinator
He was treated to a BIFF! BANG! SLAM! & SPLATTER
And finally he was made into a ‘remote’-controlled toy
That’s the story in a nutshell…….. Poor chap! He was in a royal soup and all coz he was trying to follow the protocol dictated by the very same top brass. Wish I cud give them a piece of my mind. But Alas! Woe Betide this wretched soul…..coz then I will be left with none.
I am getting one more in my head…..Pretend to read on.
My boss, mistakes, she always tried to find
She tried to give me a piece of her mind.
But I turned the table on her
And she became but just a blur
As I gave her a huge kick on her behind.
This is what is called “inspiration” and bitching seems to really stimulate my tiny lil grey cells to frenzied plots of activity, energy and creativity. So, Bottoms Up! To all those who love to bitch abt and around…..to all those who think it good and to all those who just bent down………
Chao!….
Drop that pair of chopsticks! Not Chow, you pig.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Sleeping with my Diary - Part 3
take some time out and exercise those grey cells of urs for higher pursuits (besides edu’n) and savour each word that you say or wish to say. If you don’t have good specimens to bitch about, simply let me know. I am currently taking orders for prototypes of superiors worth bitching about. I have a huge stock and If I may add….a VARIED stock. So take your pick and as they say….let’s BRING IT ON….. (I know that was a PJ….but I had fun thinking it and typing it).
And they lived happily ever after…………
And they lived happily ever after…………
Sleeping with my Diary - Part 2
I wish SOMEONE would actually suggest a few granma's tricks.....rather than suggesting the thought. That is what I wud call real help.
There was a time when limericks used to be a rage. Infact, my father introduced me to that world. Here’s a tribute to the bitch and bitches…… (Pun intended this time, so make sure you get it)
A girl who forgot to bitch
From the day she fell into the ditch
That was a long time ago
But that wasn’t the case to be so
Coz’ it started all over again with the 7-year itch.
At times, I feel really sorry for people who work alone or who don’t work. Coz they really don’t know how good it feel to crib and let your tongue go wagging about (and I am not referring to your shoes and neither to other similarly (and possibly) pleasurable activities). Mere fretting and yammering is so relaxing……akin to…..lemme think………. Watching a really good movie after getting tortured with some thaai-thangai-paasam or a Ramaraasan – Ujaala safedi ad in combo with a pair of sparkling red shoes……OR ……. Watch with glee Sourav Ganguly get out (finally) after groping for some 10 overs with his bat in a 1-day match….and I could give you scores of instances for this. But I hope you got the drift.
I am really glad that we have a place where we can be ourselves, write down just what we feel and (hopefully) get appreciated for that. Everybody, take the hint.
Today was so bad….that I am actually feeling sad (God! I am good). So sad that I have lost it – as in lost my touch to crib and rave and rant.
I was a part of a play – the whole of today (wow! Once again!!! The poetess in me – sheer brilliance). The lamppost went missing at work and I filled in the role. As in everyone and I mean it….EVERYONE at work banged right into me with their miseries, woe and what not. My superiors, my HR person (and friend), my coll and good friends. Work was so much fun when it started and now it STINKS….big time.
Today one of my coll got fired…..quite that but not quite so. Coz she was made to quit. Sounds melodramatic??? It is. I guess my “super” (not meant as a compliment at all) boss got a lot of inspiration from these daily soaps where just about everyone is scheming against just about everyone else. So, he (my super boss) passed on the buck of throwing the dame out to my HR guy and conveniently kept himself busy thro the whole time with some crappy meetings and business din-din. SO that was it. The poor dame never knew what hit her until she was well on her way to the hospital. (not literally, though).
Honestly, I feel so down-in-the-dumps that I guess even chocolates or ice-creams may not be able to do much. Though I dare say, I could do with a diamond.
Jokes apart, I always wanted to live in the world of Ally McBeals and the pizza delivery boys (mmm….sounds fab) where the workplace was like one big happy family. Very clichéd, I know. But wudnt mind that.
I guess, as they say, if only wishes were horses….. and I say, I would be galloping through the lush fields and not hammering my keyboard keys. Honestly, where are workplaces like those?
IF you also wondering “where did they go???”, be patient coz I am in the process of evolving one. Would let u know when I actually Get, Set and I guess by then be GONE…..
I still remember the day when I got my first job and I wish I could live it sometime in the future…..as in 20 years later??? But alas! Woe betide me!!! I have lived it already and now can only reminisce. Well, dint that have an old-world touch??? I am glad, coz I wanted to tweak the way I was writing.
If I let myself go on…..I guess you can email rotten tomatoes and eggs. Am I right???? (I hope so).
So, till I get more interesting masala (redundant but effective!) for my home production, Its chao time……………..
There was a time when limericks used to be a rage. Infact, my father introduced me to that world. Here’s a tribute to the bitch and bitches…… (Pun intended this time, so make sure you get it)
A girl who forgot to bitch
From the day she fell into the ditch
That was a long time ago
But that wasn’t the case to be so
Coz’ it started all over again with the 7-year itch.
At times, I feel really sorry for people who work alone or who don’t work. Coz they really don’t know how good it feel to crib and let your tongue go wagging about (and I am not referring to your shoes and neither to other similarly (and possibly) pleasurable activities). Mere fretting and yammering is so relaxing……akin to…..lemme think………. Watching a really good movie after getting tortured with some thaai-thangai-paasam or a Ramaraasan – Ujaala safedi ad in combo with a pair of sparkling red shoes……OR ……. Watch with glee Sourav Ganguly get out (finally) after groping for some 10 overs with his bat in a 1-day match….and I could give you scores of instances for this. But I hope you got the drift.
I am really glad that we have a place where we can be ourselves, write down just what we feel and (hopefully) get appreciated for that. Everybody, take the hint.
Today was so bad….that I am actually feeling sad (God! I am good). So sad that I have lost it – as in lost my touch to crib and rave and rant.
I was a part of a play – the whole of today (wow! Once again!!! The poetess in me – sheer brilliance). The lamppost went missing at work and I filled in the role. As in everyone and I mean it….EVERYONE at work banged right into me with their miseries, woe and what not. My superiors, my HR person (and friend), my coll and good friends. Work was so much fun when it started and now it STINKS….big time.
Today one of my coll got fired…..quite that but not quite so. Coz she was made to quit. Sounds melodramatic??? It is. I guess my “super” (not meant as a compliment at all) boss got a lot of inspiration from these daily soaps where just about everyone is scheming against just about everyone else. So, he (my super boss) passed on the buck of throwing the dame out to my HR guy and conveniently kept himself busy thro the whole time with some crappy meetings and business din-din. SO that was it. The poor dame never knew what hit her until she was well on her way to the hospital. (not literally, though).
Honestly, I feel so down-in-the-dumps that I guess even chocolates or ice-creams may not be able to do much. Though I dare say, I could do with a diamond.
Jokes apart, I always wanted to live in the world of Ally McBeals and the pizza delivery boys (mmm….sounds fab) where the workplace was like one big happy family. Very clichéd, I know. But wudnt mind that.
I guess, as they say, if only wishes were horses….. and I say, I would be galloping through the lush fields and not hammering my keyboard keys. Honestly, where are workplaces like those?
IF you also wondering “where did they go???”, be patient coz I am in the process of evolving one. Would let u know when I actually Get, Set and I guess by then be GONE…..
I still remember the day when I got my first job and I wish I could live it sometime in the future…..as in 20 years later??? But alas! Woe betide me!!! I have lived it already and now can only reminisce. Well, dint that have an old-world touch??? I am glad, coz I wanted to tweak the way I was writing.
If I let myself go on…..I guess you can email rotten tomatoes and eggs. Am I right???? (I hope so).
So, till I get more interesting masala (redundant but effective!) for my home production, Its chao time……………..
Sleeping with my Diary - Part 1
I simply love the choice of adjective……or do I say Nouna??? So many times in life we come across a word that’s so mundane and simple. And Bang!!! One day it hits you right in your face that the word has so many meanings. Its almost like that word is an exact match to the myriad of emotions that you go thro each day. That’s what just happened to me.
Bitch! That’s, in my opinion, by far the most spiritual word that I have come across. And you would be surprised at the number of people who can relate closely to it.
Just wanted to fool around a bit b4 I actually started cribbing.
I was just about in the foulest of moods that I could ever come across (that’s what I say each day)….Oh my GOD! That was sheer poetry. I knew I had it in me…..Oops! I digressed and that’s what happens each day at work.
I aint an exceptionally pretty or intelligent anything. I am a very normal person (that’s kinda become a novelty these days) but that doesn’t mean that I don’t deserve anything good. Here’s my sob story. I work with a she-dragon spitting fire the whole time (and I certainly don’t imply that she’s hot) and this pot-bellied smudgeface who’s out to battle the dragon – not to conquer but to be friends. So that means that the whole time, I am being roasted and now all you need to do is sprinkle a wee bit of salt, pepper, a dash of lime and get your forks, knives, plates and appetites ready.
Lets take today ……… My dear lil drag-on (No pun intended) suggested oh-so very sweetly that I should move into another workspace with this set of morons who hate to look around, chat or even move their muscle. In fact, the best part of the suggestion was that it was sugar-coated and so laced with jaggery that I am pukish right now. Later on, I got the scoop. My drag was cheesed off that I sit so close to smudgeface that he tends to tell me all the corp gossip and inside stories, while piling work all the while. She misses being “in the middle of things” and “the middle of things”. Someone needs to tell her to work on her middle……That’s was too personal. Sorry abt that guys. I wish someone would tell her to fight her own battle and not use me as her spear.
The cherry on the icing was the huge zit that appeared on my nose creating havoc in my life.
Bitch! That’s, in my opinion, by far the most spiritual word that I have come across. And you would be surprised at the number of people who can relate closely to it.
Just wanted to fool around a bit b4 I actually started cribbing.
I was just about in the foulest of moods that I could ever come across (that’s what I say each day)….Oh my GOD! That was sheer poetry. I knew I had it in me…..Oops! I digressed and that’s what happens each day at work.
I aint an exceptionally pretty or intelligent anything. I am a very normal person (that’s kinda become a novelty these days) but that doesn’t mean that I don’t deserve anything good. Here’s my sob story. I work with a she-dragon spitting fire the whole time (and I certainly don’t imply that she’s hot) and this pot-bellied smudgeface who’s out to battle the dragon – not to conquer but to be friends. So that means that the whole time, I am being roasted and now all you need to do is sprinkle a wee bit of salt, pepper, a dash of lime and get your forks, knives, plates and appetites ready.
Lets take today ……… My dear lil drag-on (No pun intended) suggested oh-so very sweetly that I should move into another workspace with this set of morons who hate to look around, chat or even move their muscle. In fact, the best part of the suggestion was that it was sugar-coated and so laced with jaggery that I am pukish right now. Later on, I got the scoop. My drag was cheesed off that I sit so close to smudgeface that he tends to tell me all the corp gossip and inside stories, while piling work all the while. She misses being “in the middle of things” and “the middle of things”. Someone needs to tell her to work on her middle……That’s was too personal. Sorry abt that guys. I wish someone would tell her to fight her own battle and not use me as her spear.
The cherry on the icing was the huge zit that appeared on my nose creating havoc in my life.
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